WHY I (TAHRA) QUESTION COVID

4/23/2020

This is personal to me… 

Twelve years ago I was diagnosed with epilepsy and was told I would need to go on medication in order to stop having seizures.  I was told by my neurologist that if I didn’t take the medication my seizures would get worse. “They are like forest fires, you need to stop having them before they grow into something you can’t control.” He said.  Oh and “side effects of the medication treatment are drowsiness and lethargy. You will not be able to drive.”  My gut sank, was this really my life? 

For a little context, my mom started to decline from what we call Alzheimer’s Disease when I was fifteen and died by the time I was twenty three… so this felt like more medical overwhelm than I could handle. 

Epilepsy. 

I was devastated to imagine the limited life ahead of me thanks to medication. On the other hand, I was terrified at the possibility that I might find myself, again, in a strange place, recovering from an episode, unsure of what transpired when the lights went out. Having a seizure is a haunting experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I would have done anything to not have another one.  

Instead of taking the medication, I decided to do something very radical, no doubt branding me the crazy/weirdo in any bunch.  In 2008, I cleaned up my diet and made major lifestyle changes thanks to the advice of my dear friend Dr. Kelly Brogan who was just starting to see the benefits of a “lifestyle change” approach in her psychiatric practice.  I changed my diet to all organic, gluten-free and I stopped having cow dairy. I switched to eating only meticulously sourced, grass-fed beef and organic chicken. I started to only drink filtered water (even at restaurants!) I decided to look at my products and to use only those that were chemical free.  I stopped using toothpaste that had fluoride and other questionable ingredients. I started to put my phone on airplane mode when I went to bed.  I then also started to heal emotional trauma with energy medicine.  Basically, I changed my life and the environment that my body was living in… completely.

Can you tell where this is going?

You guessed it, since I made all those changes, I have not had any seizures.

NOT ONE, IN TWELVE YEARS.

I also no longer have chronic stomach aches, fissures on my tongue, kidney infections, ruptured cysts, random chest pains, and crippling anxiety.

This actually makes me want to cry as I type these words.  Wow. It’s mind blowing to stop and consider how far I have come.

It hasn’t been an easy road, to say the least, especially since I endured so many years being an outcast. I was the first of a few questioning mainstream narratives around health and knew almost no one who was implementing these new lifestyle changes.  At times I was teased and sometimes the target of aggression for doing so many things so different.  As I said though, I would have done anything to not have another seizure.

WHAT DOES MY STORY HAVE TO DO WITH COVID?

Well… let me first say, my heart breaks for any and all that are sick. I was there. Being sick is like living in a nightmare without the ability to scream. It’s maddening. I also have nothing but respect and admiration for anyone who goes into the medical profession, I have friends and family who are doctors and nurses. No one chooses to be with the sick, all day long unless their heart also longs for a healthier world. These are good, loving people. I don’t question the individuals, I question the system in which they are operating.

I WAS JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE

I think it’s important I explain who I was before… before that critical decision of whether or not to go on epilepsy medication, I took the vaccines, antibiotics, including some psychiatric medications for panic attacks. I once believed I was a victim to random, bad luck, my health was genetically determined and I believed in germ theory too. I thought I needed to wage a war on bacteria and viruses, having no idea that I already cohabitated peacefully with trillions of microorganisms . I believed these medical interventions would help me, but ultimately, I just got sicker.

WHAT I NEEDED TO DO TO GET WELL

I needed to take a hard look in the mirror and hold myself accountable, individuate from the Doctor-Patient/Parent-Child model of health and ask myself some tough questions.

Am I responsible for the deterioration of my health? Is my body trying to communicate with me? Can I make majorly inconvenient but ultimately sanity-preserving and liberating choices to course-correct? Can I take healing into my own hands, instead of adopting a posture that I am a victim of unlucky circumstances?

Gulp. Only time will tell what the answers are to these questions.

Okay, right, you know the end of the story… the answer to these questions was a definitive YES. I needed to roll up my sleeves and do the work.

It’s important I note here too that I’m not saying everyone needs to do this in order to achieve wellness, but it is one way, and I believe the discussion of this way should have a seat at the table, too.

WHAT I BELIEVE NOW

If you asked me thirteen years ago about healing, I would have never thought that healing meant radical (often intensely uncomfortable) ownership of one’s own life and wellbeing. I didn’t believe everything (including illness!) was by design, and I certainly didn’t believe that nature is perfect. Thanks to the wild road I have traveled, there is almost nothing I am more certain of now.

Let me be clear though, I have no interest in convincing people that their perspective or beliefs are wrong. I live in a world where it’s possible that we are all right. It’s possible everything I did only worked for me because I believed it would and the ritual of self care was the most important factor.

I felt called to write this to explain why I question the mainstream understanding of COVID and highlight the assumptions around health that are at play here, as well as offer a real life story behind one voice of dissent. People don’t just leave the mainstream way of thinking unless there is some critical moment that compels them to leave the beaten path. Finding a way to stop my seizures pushed me into unfamiliar, unpopular territory. And while I endured ridicule, ultimately I found a better way (for me!) and I will not return to the old model because it is clear now that that model was not serving me. The old model is a system of healthcare that sees the patient as fundamentally broken which inevitably limits the toolkit available to doctors. I will never again outsource my power to a doctor to tell me what is best for my body because the tools I offer myself are far more beneficial for lasting health.  In addition, it will never make sense to me that we need to put more toxicants in our bodies to be well, especially since many bodies (like my own was) are in desperate need of detox.

QUESTIONINGCOVID.COM

QuestioningCovid.com is a resource that challenges the mainstream narrative around health. I think we are at a critical turning point in our collective story and perhaps this is the moment when we all consider whether or not we want to start thinking outside the box. Perhaps it’s time to stop and wonder why humans seem to only be getting sicker? Perhaps we are looking at health and some of the foundational understandings of disease all wrong? It’s worth the question.

LET’S NOT DO THE BLAME GAME

It feels important that I also add that just because we are looking for a root cause of what we are calling COVID does NOT mean we should cast blame without taking responsibility. Even if it turns out that there was something in the water, or we are being poisoned by 5G radiation or illness is caused by a crazy mix of pesticides and mercury, or it’s a result of intense emotional conflict… it does not serve us to point fingers. I didn’t blame Confetti Cakes for poisoning me, I just stopped rewarding them with my dollars once I woke up to what I was eating. It is my belief that when we have the information we can take ownership of our choices, recognize our own power and see how we have been complicit.  It is through self-possession that we heal, both physically and emotionally.  The intention for digging into these matters is so we can bring all of our unconscious ways into the light, for course-correction.

MY PRAYERS

I have a wooden altar that I pray and meditate in front of every morning. It is two inches high off the ground and has my favorite, tiny items, neatly resting on the surface.  Every morning I try to think of all the people I have ever met and love (and I think of those I haven’t met but would also inevitably end up loving, too).  I envision a world where we are all living in synch with Mother Earth, dancing and singing, all ages, cheeks rosy with joy and vitality.  And in this world, we live by the rule, What is good for the Earth, is good for me. One of the items on my altar is a Buddhist prayer that I received from my teacher Adyashanti.  The prayer card reads “Buddha nature pervades the whole universe existing right here and now. I dedicate the merit of this practice to all sentient beings. Together we realize liberation.”

TOGETHER WE REALIZE LIBERATION.

The prayer doesn’t say, “with the same perspective we realize liberation”. It says together. Together to me means connected and connected is with the energy of love.  With that in mind, even if we disagree, and even if you have totally different ideas about health, above all else, I pray that we stay connected through an energy of love, despite our differences.

May all voices be welcomed.

Amen.

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Leave a Comment

  • JENISE CAIOLA

    Thank you for you powerful share and loving way of delivering it. You are a gift.

  • Hilary

    Beautiful post. I admire and applaud your presence of mind and bravery in following your own path in such a frightening position. Thank you for sharing your story and perspective in such a loving (to all) way. Peace and belasings!

    • admin_tahra

      Aww thank you Hilary, I feel so much love in my heart. We all have different perspectives and I really believe that that shouldn’t take away from the love that we can and do feel. This is the work for all of us. Thank you of your comment!

  • Meredith

    Hi Tahra, thanks for this piece. You mention that a seizure is ‘haunting’. I have what feels like a miasm of seizures that existed in my family although i have not manifested them myself, and I”m very curious to know what ‘haunting’ means, and if you can describe what it is like from the inside, out? with thanks for your sharing.

  • violet

    Kelly Brogan’s work saved me too. I was medicated at only 5 years old (!!) for panic attacks and was told by Drs my entire adolescence I would have to depend on medication to be ‘normal’. The side effects for me were feeling like a zombie and becoming a shell of myself. I also developed a thyroid problem and I feel the medication caused this as well. By the time I was in college I started to question everything about medicine/psychiatry. Now I’m 24, off all medications and haven’t had a panic attack or any hormonal issues in over 4 years. Diet is so important, but I’ve found what’s even more important are your thoughts and your beliefs, and your relationship to yourself. The mind-body connection is so powerful and real. The rewards for choosing to question things and understand that so many mental and physical symptoms aren’t something to be covered up but explored are huge. It’s not as easy a journey as popping a pill or believing everything you hear about current mainstream medicine but it is so unbelievably worth it. It baffles me how people are so sure about the current state of medicine/psychiatry…these are the same people who, if born hundreds years ago, would let a doctor ‘bleed’ them to death! And I hope in the future people will look back at our current medical system as just as ignorant. And I agree, I feel that it’s difficult to understand or accept this if you haven’t experienced it firsthand. I wish we were taught to see illness in a much different, more empowering way.

    • admin_tahra

      Violet! I so appreciate your reply and I am so grateful to have your story posted here too. You are absolutely right! Thank you for the wonderfully articulated sentiment. I am so happy to hear you have found so many tools for healing, too. We heal together. 🙂

  • Elena Michaelson

    Thank you for your sincere and heartfully crafted article…beautiful! I too question our sick healthcare system. It’s devoid of heart and soul, and a lot about money and control. So happy people are standing up!!!

    • admin_tahra

      Yes, all of our voices need to be heard. We are in an encouraging time, even though it a struggle. I believe there are alot of good things to come out of this. It is a Great Awakening! Thank you for your comment. 🙂

  • Raelene Draft

    I’ve been looking for this kind of article is great and let me help someone,
    how i end anxiety and panic attacks here: https://bit.ly/2KYwZ5H

    • admin_tahra

      Wonderful, glad you found it! Sending blessing to you and your friend.

  • kevin

    Thank you , that is a beautiful message and moreover, it is the truth that is needed to heal most maladies that we face. Peace

  • Jackie Fein

    Tahra – Beautifully written. I loved this. It made me so happy. The journey you describe sounds hard but so wonderful and so worth it.

    • admin_tahra

      Thank you Jackie! I appreciate the reflection so much. Big hug and blessings to you and your family! X

  • Tonya Michelle

    Thank you!!! Your personal healing journey is incredibly inspiring and illuminating. Thank you for so eloquently articulating the value of exploring those spaces that may be unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and/or in opposition to what we’ve been taught or known to be true. Thank you for the beautiful reminder that we can experience great depths of connectedness beyond our differences. Thank You for doing all things with the energy of Love ~*

    • admin_tahra

      You are the best Tonya. I would bet nowhere without your love.

  • Heidi

    Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. I too had an experience of profound healing of a serious condition in 1995, when I was 25 years old, from nutrition and lifestyle changes. Over the years I’ve evolved through further work with my body and lifestyle changes, such that there is no way I could see through the lens of the mainstream narrative. I get what you are saying. Blessings.

    • admin_tahra

      Blessings to you Heidi! Happy to know you found a path that lead to healing for you! Thank you for sharing.

  • peter holden

    Yes to self worth. Yes to self empowerment, Yes to Sovereignty, Yes to trusting the body, yes to acknowledging our responsibility for self care..
    And yes to practicing commonsense immune boosting practices during these times, including Vit. C & D, zinc and copper, staying in one’s truth not fear space, exercise, fresh air and trusting. Trusting the process.

  • Sophie

    Beautifully written. Having studied Ayurveda, it’s impossible to believe that one virus is the root cause of what now appears to be, the regular flu.Please look at http://www.questioningcovid.com for other braves hearts who feel it’s their moral duty to speak out. In Ayurveda, any outbreak of illness has multiple factors like air quality (which is at it worst right before the leaves open in the spring-“flu season”), exposure to vibration, exposure to vaccines and flu shots, degree of harmony one is with the seasons and healthy living practices, all of those and more play a part. This simplistic enemy that leaves us helpless victims removes our responsibility and our personal power. Thank you for your courage to think for yourself and to find the path that works for you!

    • admin_tahra

      Thank you for your comment and the reminder that ancient traditions already hold so much of this wisdom!

  • Sara

    It can feel so lonely to listen to our intuition when it goes against the dominant narrative. I often feel like I can’t connect with family, friends, peers the way I used to because they believe that seeing my whole face in public makes me entitled and capable of murder. It breaks my heart to see that so many are so afraid and that my smile and touch are now radical acts of defiance. Your words are a balm, to know there are many of us who question through our own experiences and wisdom and envision a more harmonious and conscious world. With love

    • admin_tahra

      Thank you for this comment! Comments like this are the reason I stick my head out and say what is on my mind and in my heart. No one can take away our truth! Blessings to you! xx

  • Mekea Duffy

    Thank you for sharing your story and your reflections truth teller. What a gift to your readers trying to “figure it out.”