THE INTERNAL ART OF RECEIVING
I have been thinking a lot about preparing my nervous system to receive more love.
I have visualized my chest blossoming like a rose as I meditate. When I do this, I feel a kind of recalibration. Sometimes, the energy vibrates me as it enters my body. I feel an adjustment occurring when I consciously open my vessel.
Last Saturday I sat at a tea ceremony with the beautiful Goddess @morgann_francesca.
Shortly after we all sat down on the white cushions Morgann began to pour. The steam danced gently above each cup, luring the guests to anticipate their first sips. The ceremony was in silence and was very methodical. The precise nature of each cup placement lends itself to the meditative experience.
This was my third tea ceremony and each one has felt like a sweet treat, arriving at the perfect time, to revive my soul. I had decided that I was going to take this particular Saturday morning ceremony to continue to practice preparing my nervous system for more love.
Then, without warning, my anxiety rolled in. The ceremony had barely started and I thought, “Oh shit, I may need to leave.”
I looked down at my hands, they were dripping with beads of sweat. I was bewildered by the turn of events. I hadn’t a had a panic attack in more than ten years. My mind was out of control like an extremely disruptive fly that I couldn’t catch.
“What if I can’t sit here the whole time, what if I need to just get up and go? I can’t be disruptive! I am so uncomfortable. I may need to leave. Everyone will be so disappointed in me. I will not be welcomed back.”
Morgann then passed me the first cup.
As I sipped, I felt the hot water on my lips and slowly received the essence of the ancient plant. Thankfully the soothing drink became a vehicle for spirit. I welcomed the needed insight as the tea entered my body.
It wasn’t the tea ceremony that I was fearing; it wasn’t this particular situation that required an escape hatch, it was what this tea ceremony represented that scared me.
The tea ceremony was a reminder of the delicate nature of relationships and like relationships, this tea ritual was a space where I might feel vulnerable. It was an experience where I had to commit to my own containment while in the presence of others.
I had a choice. I could run away or I could soften into my feminine and allow myself to trust the medicine of being held.
With this understanding, my shoulders relaxed, and my breath deepened.
I then repeated the mantra…
It’s safe for me to stay.
It’s safe for me to stay.
It’s safe for me to stay.
It is safe for me to stay with myself and all of my feelings.
It is safe for me to stay in relationships.
It is safe for me to strengthen my personal container or internal masculine, because as long as I can hold myself, I am always safe in the face of everything… including more Love.
Tears rolled down my cheeks.
I believe this panic attack was a needed adjustment because it invited true expansion. Like the edges of a river bank, I needed to endure some friction to make way for what was/ is about to flow in.
What would it feel like for you to allow more love in?
Can you hold yourself through the potential discomfort of more joy?
Can you see the urge to freeze, reject, deflect or run and choose to stay present, open, and receive? How can you do this in little ways, everyday?
What would it look like for you to contain yourself, as a way to welcome LOVE to contain you?
There is an art to receiving, and begins within you.
To our shared experience of healing… with love,
Tahra
