BOUNDARIES
I was thinking the other day about the first time I "set a boundary" and want to tell you about it because it was a notable moment.
This was many moons ago. Here is how it went and what I have learned since…
Enough was enough! I felt trampled on. I felt victimized and I was over it!
I was working in the fashion industry, in NYC and it was a Saturday. Saturdays were my deep breath days. Finally, a day off from the pointy, high-heeled shoes, silk blouses, fast-talking, headset-wearing, fashion-talent-agent-lifestyle.
On this Saturday, a client emailed me and said something to the effect of "I need you to f*ing get back to me as soon as possible."
Stunned. I finally realized, I did not need to take this anymore. (Sometimes life needs to whack you over the head with a cast-iron pan in order for you to wake up to what you are tolerating. This was one of those times for me.)
Angry thoughts sparked and sizzled, lighting my insides on fire.
The truth was, I loved my client, but this is insane! I was livid. I was angry. I felt rage!
After all that I had done for him, he is talking to me like this? Who does he think I am!!?!?
I stood in my kitchen in my comfy, mismatched Saturday digs, and my hands shook as I angrily punched a reply on my iPhone.
"You will not talk to me like this again and unless it is truly urgent, I will not be responding on a Saturday!"
And... SEND! (Gulp.)
Have you been here? Have you had to lay down the law with certain people?
What I didn’t know at the time:
He was showing me my beliefs about myself. He was mirroring my unprocessed rage and insecurity. Using my voice was a step in the right direction but this defensive reaction was not exactly a conscious boundary. I manifested this situation to see how I had victimized myself in order to eventually reclaim my own self and my power.
As I like to say, when establishing healthy boundaries there is a common order of operations and in my experience, the path often looks kinda like this:
No boundaries —-> Strong, inflexible boundaries ——> Soft, flexible boundaries ——> Are boundaries really necessary?
Want to know more about this and understand where you are in the boundary game?
Maybe you want to practice boundaries with a stranger so you can get better at practicing them with co-workers, friends, and your loved ones?
Want to know how boundaries relate to the Universe too?
Purchase THE HOOK UP workshop on boundaries! A sweet group gathered for 2 hours on ZOOM to discuss setting a pro-social boundary and the recording is available for you to watch very soon!
Oh also… my client got the message and after I hit send, he never spoke to me like that ever again.
Would I respond in the same way today though? Probably not.
Why? Well, that is what I talked about in the BOUNDARIES class!
With love,
Tahra
